We’ve often heard the saying that “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” It simply means that when people hurt us, we should not do something hurtful in return.
Sometimes when in a heated argument, both parties would want to prove that they are right and even raise their voices to prove their point. The truth is we cannot always be right as much as we want to, and sometimes even if you’re the offended party, you can still choose to let peace reign.
In this step-by-step guide, you’ll learn very practical ways to avoid allowing arguments to escalate and secure your peace of mind.
Listen, Acknowledge And Then Give Your Statement
Whether it’s with your partner at home or a colleague at work, it’s important to avoid raising your voice at each other when there’s a heated argument. If you find yourself shouting at each other, stop immediately and allow the person to say when they need to.
By playing this mature role, you’ll also find that the other party will lower their voice as well, even though they may still be talking at you. Listen, let them know you’ve heard them, then give your statement once they finish talking.
In this state, they are more likely to listen to what you have to say and apologize for the wrong they caused if they are at fault.
Someone has to stop talking when there’s a heated argument; let that person be you!
Do Not Increase Your Tone Or Change Your Body Language
Your body language matters when an argument is ongoing. In fact, you can ask the other person to calm down for you to listen to them while your body language is saying something else.
You have to check that! Ensure you do not increase your tone. If you already did on impulse, lower your voice; you could even sit calmly if you were standing up and just allow the next person to bare their minds.
Most times, during an argument, we could say all the wrong things we don’t really mean. You might have to prepare to hear some hurtful words, but hold yourself together and don’t react negatively.
That’s the best way to win the other person over, and it doesn’t make you a gullible or weak person. Instead, it’s a sign of maturity and superiority.
Understand The Person’s Emotions
As humans, we are emotional beings, and sometimes our emotions can get the better part of us. With this in mind, make an effort to try to understand the other person’s emotions. For instance, if it’s your spouse, try to understand what he or she is trying to say from their own perspective before going on to disclose yours.
Also, let them know you understand what they are saying. You can do this by drawing closer to them, holding their hands, speaking softly, and so on.
Your partner will feel more relaxed, and they will be happy to listen to what you have to say. It’s an effective way to reduce tension when an argument ensues.
Help Them Feel Like They Won The Argument As Well
Let’s be honest: No one really likes to know that they lost an argument because we silently always want to be right.
In fact, we like the other person to say oh! They were wrong and apologize because it somehow has a way of pampering our ego. You know exactly what we’re talking about!
Well, you can use this to your advantage while trying to resolve a conflict. Even if you sense that you’re actually right and the other person is wrong, try to solve the issue at a “middle ground,” where the other person also has a feeling that they won to an extent.
You can say things like, “oh! You said I did this, you’re actually right, and I’ll make amends.” The bottom line is that while you’re trying to explain your end of the story, sincerely acknowledge the areas where they are actually right and apologize for your mistake. You’ll make it easier and natural for the other person to apologize and respect you even more.
Don’t Drag Old Topics Into Current Argument
As famously said: “Don’t reopen old wounds in order to examine their origins. Leave them healed.”
Use this approach when you ever find an argument brewing. Talk about the matter at hand without digging up old topics to make things worse. Don’t say things like, “That’s the same thing you did on so and so date that led to this same problem.”
Statements like this don’t help. In fact, they make the other person defensive and escalate the matter at hand. So, avoid it at all costs. Let the past remain in the past!