What to Do When Your Partner Frustrates You

There is no relationship completely free of conflict. Even two people who love each other a lot and who normally get along are likely to face problems at some point and feel suddenly frustrated, angry, or upset. So, what can you do when you feel frustrated with your partner, whether it’s a choice they made, a problem you have encountered, or a disagreement.

1. Talk, talk, talk

The advice to talk it out is definitely popular, but that’s for a good reason. Communication is the key to a good relationship and appears especially important when you feel frustrated. While one part of you might want to keep quiet and not rock the boat, frustration tends to build up or come back later.

Don’t let things fester, instead, let your partner know when something bugs you and what can be done about it. Perhaps not all things will be fixed entirely, but finding a compromise can allow you to overcome this frustration. You will feel heard, at the least.

2. Give it a bit of time

Sometimes, we get angry or frustrated over small things. We might feel a bit too upset to address the situation adequately. When you feel overwhelmed with emotion, you might want to take a step back and let the situation cool down before talking about it or trying to fix it.

It can be hard to take another perspective or consider another person when you are angry or upset. Instead, give it some time and address it once your emotions get less intense.

3. Remind yourself of the good things

A small detail can be blown up to feel huge and very important. But try to focus your attention on everything that you love about your partner. It’s more important that they make you feel good, that they respect you and treat you well, that they are supportive, and so on.

Often, this can help you gain a bit more perspective and recognize that even if there is a conflict of opinions, it’s normal and that it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Focus on the good things to quell your frustration.

4. Dig to the roots

Sometimes, the frustration you feel can have specific roots. Maybe what’s happening reminds you of a bad situation in your past or the behavior of an ex. Maybe you are reacting with a lot of anger because of a specific interpretation. Consider the source of your frustration and whether it has to do more with the current situation or with something else that is affecting your perception and judgment.

Sometimes, it will be what’s happening, and you can focus on the true source of frustration. But other times, you might need to dig into yourself and your past to understand why you feel what you feel.

5. Avoid blame, focus on the feelings

It can be tempting to level your frustration at your partner, but it might not always be the most constructive solution. Focus on communicating your feelings – anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness, and so on. Don’t blame your partner, instead, describe how you feel about the situation and what would help you feel better.

A constructive approach can help you resolve the frustration you feel and strengthen your relationship with your partner.

6. Take care of yourself before addressing the problem

Often, our frustration builds up because we are experiencing things that contribute to it, such as exhaustion, hunger, sleep deprivation, or more.

Before you give in, make sure you take care of yourself. Have a snack or a drink, take a nap, rest, give yourself a break. Sometimes, once you do, whatever frustrates you will suddenly feel a lot smaller and less important. Take a quick pause and relax before going to address the problem, and you’re more likely to do it constructively.

7. Let it go

If something truly bothers you and has an impact on your life, you might want to try and fix it. You should not let the big things, like feeling neglected or an action that truly upset you, go. But if you are frustrated by small things that don’t matter on the grand scale of things, you might consider letting it go.

Don’t feel like everything should be perfect – everyone has their little quirks and traits that might not agree with you. You won’t be able to get everything to change, nor should you expect that. If something is just a bit annoying, maybe it’s easier to let go of your frustration and focus on more significant issues.