How to Evolve as a Partner

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. —Sam Keen

A relationship takes work and effort. Any relationship, but especially a romantic one, can only thrive if you are putting in the effort. If you want to help your partnership last for a long time and bring you happiness, the best thing to do is to put time and effort into becoming the best partner you can be. Here is a guide as to how you can evolve your skills and make your relationship flourish.

Become a cheerleader

The first step is to become a positive presence for your partner and support them in their plans and ideas. This might seem obvious, but many people don’t do this. Instead, they try to help by finding flaws or problems, by shutting the other person’s ideas down. However, this can lead to negative emotions and make the couple fight.

It’s not that you should support ideas that you think could be dangerous or disagreeable. However, you should strive to offer your emotional support whenever possible and try to listen to your partner with a positive attitude. Be their cheerleader: encourage them to pursue their plans and ideas, support their plans, and share their joy when you can.

Offer the support they need

Being a cheerleader means, well, cheering for their projects, success, and ideas. Being a support system means being there for the good but also for the bad. Offering support can be expressed in two main ways: offering solutions and just being there to listen.

Often, we might feel pressed to provide solutions, but sometimes, the second strategy can be just as important and even more necessary. You can provide them with a safe space to share their concerns, emotions, and worries without judgment. Sometimes, you can ask them if they want your help in regards to something specific or see if they want advice. But more often than not, your partner will want you to hear what they have to say and let them talk.

Become an equal partner

A relationship is something that’s built by two people, so each one carries 50% of the responsibility. Not always, of course. Sometimes, we all face difficult times and need someone else to pick up the slack. But you should strive to be an equal partner most of the time and carry your share.

What does this mean? Consider who takes most of the work: planning, carrying the plans out, doing the chores, providing money, caring for the kids, and so on. There is also emotional work: who supports who? Who takes care of the relationship, makes dates, sacrifices their time or energy for the sake of the other? Maybe it’s you, and you need to talk to your partner about that. But if it’s rarely you, consider what you could do to become an equal partner in this relationship.

Invest in your own growth

Becoming a better partner is also about becoming a better person, and you can’t do that without considering your own needs and growth. You should also take care of yourself and ensure that you are well and can thrive.

Consider your goals and needs. What skills you want to develop? This is not just about the professional skills you may want to nurture, but also about your soft skills, so to speak. Consider what you need to do better and live better and offer your best self to the world, especially to your partner. Give yourself the time and space to grow, and you will see the positive impact on your relationship.

Frame things positively

We can easily get angry at our partner or upset, but often those emotions come because we interpret their intentions and actions in a negative way. Sometimes, this is more than justified, however, in many situations, it’s useful to look at what they do in a positive way. Don’t assume they do things out of malice or to make you angry, unless you have solid evidence that’s true. Try to consider the positive aspects of what they are doing.

Of course, some situations will not be easy to interpret positively, and this is not about never getting angry. Rather, it’s about being on your partner’s side and cultivating a positive approach in how you frame their actions. It can be easy, for example, to assume they forgot something because they don’t care, but maybe you could also consider that they forgot because they are tired and talk about it more calmly. Don’t let someone treat you badly, but in many cases, a positive framing will save you time and energy, helping you build a healthier relationship.