Rejection stings. So does indifference. This often makes us try and pursue good relationships with all the people around us. We might work to change someone’s negative opinion of who we are or try to please everybody. While it stems from a very understandable place, it is also not the best idea.
You cannot be a hero or even a positive presence for everyone around you. You need to accept that and let go of the idea that you have to be liked by everyone. Sometimes, this idea is not conscious, but we still pursue it in different ways. We try to please others, invest time and effort in the relationship, or find a way to get them to see us in a positive light.
However, this reflects several wrong ideas.
First, we believe that it all depends on us. However, this is not how that works. We do not control other people, their emotions, their decisions, and their reactions.
Even if we spend a lot of time with them being our best selves, it does not guarantee they will change their perspective on you. Maybe you remind them of someone they hate or maybe they just don’t want to change.
You can’t please everyone, nor should you try. Instead, focus on being yourself and don’t try to force yourself on places or people that are not welcoming.
Being yourself is a better strategy for finding new relationships and strengthening the ones you have. You don’t need to pretend or force yourself to change. It is freeing, and it allows you to build stronger bonds with people who can like you and appreciate you.
Letting go of the desire to please others is not always easy. It’s scary to accept that someone might just dislike us, and there is nothing we can do to change that.
But it’s important to allow ourselves to like who we are and be who we are, even if it’s not OK with everybody. We are not here for others, we are here for ourselves. Accepting this empowers us to seek the people who want us as we are, with whom we can have genuine, deep relationships, and more.
You are not meant for everyone around you, just like they are not meant for you. You will be fine even if some people dislike you, and trying to change it or force them to do so will only lead to bad results.